October.

It’s a month for cool crisp breezes, fading leaves and pumpkin spice lattes. It is also the month for pink ribbons and wristbands, because it’s breast cancer awareness month.

Though I love October, as it is the month of my birthday as well as the real beginning of fall, the whole month creates a sort of discomfort for me. My mom died after a long battle with breast cancer in May of 2010, and the emotional scar it left on me still burns whenever the month begins.

It’s not so much as the memory of my mother’s death hurts me a little extra during this month- though it does- it’s more how the disease is being portrayed. I feel like society has really latched onto this disease, which is good for awareness reasons, but I sort of feel like it’s trivialized. People need to realize that wearing pink for the cause does spread awareness but the research needs attention, and wearing pink needs to be about more than just the aesthetic.

Emphasized during the month of October is survivorship. Don’t get me wrong, I love that people have been able to escape the wrath of this horrible illness, it’s just hard for me. My mom wasn’t one of the lucky ones. She didn’t beat cancer. She tried as hard as her body would allow and the illness took her anyway. It took my mother when I was barely 11-years old. When I see all these stories about triumph and just being positive throughout treatment a nagging voice inside my head is angry- why couldn’t my mom have been okay? How did these women get the luck of surviving? It just suffocates me with stories of what could have been but what never will be, and it’s difficult to escape when the pink is all around.

Metastic breast cancer is something really not emphasized during this month. Metastic breast cancer is cancer that has spread, and is what most women who die from breast cancer eventually die from. My mom was a victim of this when the cancer spread to her brain. The hardest part wasn’t when she physically died, but when she did emotionally- when the doctors told my family it was terminal and it was time to stop fighting. Women with this type of cancer have to go about the last few months/years of the diagnosis through the pink October month, being reminded of how they have not succeeded in the fight. No one really knows about Metastic Breast Cancer, and that is one of the worst things about the trivialization of this disease.. You can’t die of cancer that remains in the breast- the cancer must metastasize, or spread to a vital organ, in order for it to be life-threatening. The fact that breast cancer month doesn’t really emphasize Metastic Breast Cancer is infuriating to me. We remember those who’ve died in battle trying the best they could, but we don’t do the same for those who’ve died of this cancer. October should have more educational opportunities built into breast cancer month, so that people can be aware of what the illness really does, instead of just glossing over on all the difficult things that come with such a devastating diagnosis.