I’ve never been the type of person to think about my true happiness.

In the end it’s only a fantasy to daydream about.

My comfort has come through reality because if it doesn’t I know I will eventually lose myself.

I truly believe that I am one of those people who are meant to be alone.

I don’t mean this to sound melodramatic it’s just a reminder that I know myself.

Where I come from, boys don’t make lovers or wives out of the rare, or exotic, or the unique, or different.

The girls only ever want the same thing out of him from every romantic movie they have ever seen. When they finally see his demons they want to shy away.

I know what’s it’s like to not be desired, or to love someone you know would never see you the same way.

It’s like they become a reminder of the tiny foundations you have created for yourself that tell you, you are worth everything. Yet their very presence will come knocking that down, and you are left to pick up the pieces in hoping they don’t completely crumble in your hands.

You will tell yourself that this is okay, as long as they are happy, that is all that matters. You will keep track of all the little moments in your mind and be filled with the what if’s of yesterday. Like you can go back in time and change things, and somehow it will make all the difference.

You will tell yourself it’s okay, as long as this person is happy, that is all that matters. Because when you truly care about someone you will make sacrifices for them, and do it blindly with a smile on your face. You will tell yourself that somehow this eases the pain and you will again tell yourself that this is ok, and this is how it’s supposed to be.

Yet we both know that’s not true, and that is probably what hurts the most.

It’s truly a sad thing thinking that in order to live. You must imprint someone else’s name on your own existence,and feel the weight and support of them in every step you decide to take. And yet some will carry this burden as a blessing.

I’ve never really thought about my true happiness because in the end it only exists through me.